Dichtende Designerin

Written in collaboration with Hayden (read his work here!)

Content warning: body horror, but wholesome transformation

I wasn’t born, I was created. My first memory was her hands sewing my parts together from scraps of fabric. It didn’t hurt when the needle pierced my body. In quick and confident movements, she threaded the sharp needle through me, attaching limbs to the torso she stuffed with yarn scraps. As my body was complete, she sewed on two buttons for my eyes. Pleased with her work, she smiled coyly and finished me off with three stitches, a thin line for a mouth I couldn’t open. She created me in her image. Back then, I couldn’t understand what I meant. I neither felt nor thought. I was just a doll, made to be tossed around and played with.

One of the first things I remembered was the voice of my creator as she assembled me. Her voice babbled gently like a stream as she would regale me with stories of all the things that were beyond my home. Bernadette, as she was called, was a gentle woman who was remarkably kind and insightful. She would often tell me of the people that she worked with and sometimes how unreasonable they were. She’d speak at length about how she handled their demands and how she skillfully negotiated and manoeuvred these troublesome people into seeing things her way, so that she could do her best work.

The days stretched endlessly before me when she was working on the costumes for the next theatrical production. She sat me on the shelf, where I was forced to watch her scribble designs, tear fabric apart and sew costumes together. Eagerly, I waited for her to pick me up and talk through me. As her hands reached up towards the shelf to grab me, I felt the first sensation prickling through my body: excitement to be used. Her giant hand swung me around as she frantically chattered about the most recent affront she bravely faced.

„Judy was furious that the dress for her big opening scene didn’t fit her. I tried to explain to her that she must have gained some weight, which is why the dress fit so tightly around her hips. But no, she blamed that on me! Screamed at my face that I must have gotten her measurements wrong. Can you believe her egregious entitlement? These opera stars are so arrogant! They feel like they are above us, working tirelessly behind the scenes to put on the production. ,Bernie, you have one job to do: make the dress fit me! One job! Do it right!‘, she demanded. I hate it when people call me Bernie! That sounds like an incompetent man. They don’t appreciate me! Honestly, they don’t deserve my kindness. All these late hours I’m putting in to keep up with their preposterous demands!“

It was thus that each production would have a handful of complaints against my valiant Bernadette, who would tirelessly fight back against these injustices. Often, it was a performer being too careless with her dresses; at other times, it was the producers imposing impossible deadlines on her, and far more rarely, it was another woman’s eyes lingering too long on James.

„Oh, James,“ she would whisper breathlessly. „How I wish you could see past those vapid women and just look my way.“

James was the company’s leading man and the heartthrob of the stage. I once saw him come into Bernadette’s studio for an adjustment and understood why she was besotted with him. He was classically handsome, with a strong jaw and cheeks that almost seemed to have been carved from stone. Short, black hair peppered with grey that made him look more distinguished for his age and brown eyes that turned amber when the light hit them directly. On his top lip, he wore a thin, well-maintained mustache, which gave him somewhat of a severe look until he smiled. It was his smile that captured me. The way it lit up his entire face like a stage light, with a sincerity behind it. When he came to the studio, he entered with that smile and a polite knock to get Bernadette’s attention. His voice was gentle and patient as he made his request for an alteration, taking care to apologise for the inconvenience to my seamstress.

---

It was late in the evening, right after the applause died off, when Bernadette brought a man backstage to her sewing chamber for the first time. I watched from my perch on the shelf as she pulled a blushing and unfamiliar man into the room and locked the door behind her. As soon as the bolt had shot home, the two were all over each other, lips pressed together and hands wandering each other’s bodies. I felt my stitching tighten as if I were witnessing something forbidden, unable to look away. Minutes felt like hours as their embrace continued until finally Bernadette pulled away.

„Lay down,“ she half growled at the man, „and don’t say a word.“

After a moment’s hesitation, the man did as he was bidden and lay on his back upon the boarded floor. Immediately, Bernadette descended upon him, carefully lifting her skirt an inch so as not to kneel upon it. Her back was to me and her skirts hid what her hands were doing, but the quietness of the room seemed to amplify the clicking of a belt buckle and the rasping of a zip. There was a moment where the only sound was the man’s baited breath before Bernadette finally spoke.

„You’ll do.“

She lifted herself higher up on her knees and seemed to shuffle forward slightly before lowering herself back down gingerly, a soft gasp escaping her. Then she seemed to start moving. Writhing might have been the more accurate term. The only indications I had that something unseen was happening were the sounds of Bernadette’s breathing becoming heavier and a strangely soft, wet sound that was growing in volume.

„Yes …“

The first moan slipped from the seamstress‘ as her movements grew faster and more forceful. Her breaths became more laboured and the moans more intense until finally her body seemed to tense and spasm with a cry that was swallowed up by the nearby fabrics.

„JAMES!“

This wasn’t James! Utter disbelief shook my stuffed body. How could she do this? I thought we were in love with James! This tryst is needless; she doesn’t even seem to care about him. It was out of convenience, because she couldn’t have James yet. At least she never even dared to ask him for a date. That night, I wanted to tell her this wasn’t how we could find love, but my mouth was still sewn shut. Yet, I felt a tingle in the knots of the thread, and I slowly pulled on them. The images of their entwined bodies were vivid in my mind as I fell into a weirdly unconscious state. It wasn’t like before I gained an understanding of my surroundings. Somehow, it made me feel more alive, even though I lost sense of the time and place.

The next morning, I regathered my senses and looked around the big room, cluttered with fabrics and costumes. James was standing in the doorway, his captivating smile turned on full brightness. Bernadette held a pair of tailor’s scissors in her right hand and was gesticulating with her left hand for him to come in.

„Good morning, Bernadette! I’m here for the final fitting,“ James said, still beaming.

„Come in, then,“ my seamstress replied with her cheeks blushing. His tall stature ducked under the low-hanging beam, and he filled the room with his positive presence. He pulled up his shirt and revealed a well-trained chest. She was glancing brazenly at his chest as she gave him the dress shirt and vest to put on.

„I made the vest fit tightly over the loose dress shirt so the audience can admire your spectacular build.“ He raised an eyebrow.

„This needs to be adjusted,“ Bernadette remarked and grabbed her safety pins from the shelf I was sitting on. Carefully, she placed the pins on the back of the vest and pulled some threads. Her hand lingered a moment longer than it was needed. Happy with her work, she guided him out of the door, her hand still on his back.

The next guest was the producer of the current theatrical opera. I have rarely seen him back here. „Bernie!“ he barked loudly. My seamstress nearly jumped at the harsh sound of his voice.

„Where are the costumes for the supporting actors? They are still practising in their streetwear!“ She hesitated to come up with an excuse.

„The leads Judy and James needed many alterations to their costumes, that’s why I couldn’t finish his.“ He raised his bushy eyebrow.

„This is unacceptable! The deadline was three days ago! The premiere is tonight! Get it done, or you might lose your job!“ he threatened her. Apologetically, she nodded and quickly closed the door behind him and turned to face me.

„Can you believe him? What vile behaviour! As if I didn’t know when the deadline is! I just couldn’t finish all the costumes in time! Besides, I didn’t want to invite him back for a fitting. Or he might think I wanted more than just a casual one-time fling.“ So she didn’t finish the costume out of fear of romantic commitment? A new sensation cramped my body, similar to the anger of the producer.

Over the next few hours, I watched Bernadette work as quickly as she could on the remaining costumes while tenderly applying the alterations to James‘ clothes. By the time she was done, James’s outfit was perfectly tailored and ready for the premiere. The others were passable but certainly not Bernadette’s best work. In that moment, I felt grateful for the quality of my own stitching. There was just one left: Judy’s dress. The hours had now given way to minutes. The few that were left were now dribbling away as Bernadette threw caution to the wind and rushed through her final task. At last, with a deep sigh, a tired cry of victory and a handful of minutes remaining, she was finished. As Bernadette now busied herself with preparations to dress Judy, something caught my eye. Something was wrong with the dress.

A deep sense of unease crept through my stuffing as the performance began. I could hear the muffled sounds of it all through the walls and the door, which had been left ajar. As the show went from the first act to the second, I grew increasingly nervous. Something was going to go horribly wrong. Finally there was the round of applause that signalled the intermission, and the backstage area became a hive of activity. Costumes were changed, lines were rehearsed for the thousandth time, sets were turned around. But through it all, my eyes were focused on the fated dress. I desperately wanted nothing more than to get on my feet and see to it myself. I had to know what had gone awry and correct it, I couldn’t let it go out as it was.

It was in this moment that I suddenly noticed that my perspective had shifted slightly. Confused, I looked down; my neck moved. To my surprise, I realised that my back was straight and I was sitting upright instead of in my usual reclined position. The shock of what I was seeing was so great, I didn’t immediately notice that I was tipping forward and, by the time I realised as such, the floor and ceiling had switched places and I had an awful sense of weightlessness. The suddenness of it all had rendered me unable to scream as the floorboards rushed to meet me. I hit them with the softest of thuds and mercifully without injury. Before I could gather my wits to experiment with my newfound movement, Judy and Bernadette bustled in and began to get her into costume, ready for the final act. In less than a minute, Judy has stripped down to her underclothes and, with Bernadette’s help, pulled on the final costume of the night.

„30 seconds, people!“ came the cry of the stage manager, causing everyone to rush to their positions.

With a quick murmur of thanks, Judy left the room to take her place on stage. As Bernadette motioned to follow her, she turned and looked at the place where I had been sitting moments ago and her brow furrowed. She then looked down to see where I had landed, limbs in all directions. She crossed the room and scooped me up before carefully returning me to my perch.

„There, that’s better,“ Bernadette murmured before she turned on her heel and left the room.

The whole time they were in the room, I had been silently screaming to them that the stitching on Judy’s arms wasn’t secure.

---

„What do you call this amateurish work?!“

After the final curtain, both Judy and the producer had almost frog-marched Bernadette into her workshop, closing the door behind them. As soon as the latch had clicked into place, Judy had immediately started berating her. From what I could piece together, my fears had become reality. During the final number, Judy raised her arms high above her head, and the stitching had given way, causing the sleeves to slip clean off her arms. The audience had found it highly amusing, but Judy was humiliated at what should have been the high point of opening night, and her tirade aimed to make Bernadette feel just the same. After some minutes of furious, venom-filled shouting, Judy turned to the producer.

„I cannot tolerate this any longer, Herbert.“ Her voice was much calmer now, but the anger below the surface was still audible. „It’s not just this outfit; several of the others have found defects and issues with their costumes. If Bernadette is not up to the task of providing costumes for our productions, then she simply must be replaced.“

Without waiting for a response, Judy turned on her heel and flung open the door, allowing it to bang against the wall as she left, leaving Herbert and Bernadette alone. The silence between the two was deafening.

„Herbert, please, I —“ Bernadette began.

„Quiet.“ Herbert silenced her. „You have had more than enough time to provide the costumes. I’ve seen you do more in less time before now, but this was far short of your standards.“

Herbert’s voice wasn’t raised, he didn’t even sound angry, but there was definitely disappointment in his words.

„I’m willing to give you the benefit of the doubt this time. But you have to fix all the costumes. Not just Judy’s, I want every single one checked, repaired and made ready for tomorrow’s performance.“

„B—but …“ Bernadette’s voice quavered. „Th—There’s not enough time! I’d have to work throught the night …“

„I don’t care how you do it Bernie, just do it,“ Herbert said firmly. „If you are incapable then perhaps I should find someone isn’t?“

I could see Bernadette’s eyes widen as Herbert’s threat sunk in.

„No.“ She said quietly. „No, I’ll make sure it’s done.“

„Good lass.“ Herbert smiled softly. „Now don’t worry about Judy, I’ll talk her down.“

With that Herbert left the room, gently pulling the door shut behind him, leaving a terrified Bernadette in the wake of a carnage of her own making.

---

Damned to watch silently as she sewed through the night, I couldn’t help but feel a bit sorry for my maker. It was entirely her fault and I knew she could have done better. She pricked her fingertips bloody on the needles as she hand-sewed her prior mistakes together. ‚Slow down!‘ Her hands were moving quickly and her stitches were getting uneven. ‚One stitch at a time!‘ I pleaded silently. Unfortunately, she couldn’t hear me. How could she finish fixing all the costumes in one night? Her movements were frantic and her mind distracted. If only I could help her! If only I could be freed from the prison of my stiff body! I wiggled and fell from my upright position to the side. I twisted and turned until I managed to plunge down from the shelf and onto the table. Bernadette jumped up from her seat at my sudden fall.

The air seemed to thicken as my need to help her pushed my stitches forward. Cautiously, Bernadette stepped towards me, her hand tentatively reaching towards me.

„How did you fall down?“ she asked me.

Desperate to say a word, I tried to open the stitches of my thin-lined mouth. The thread pulled open, but I still couldn’t speak. Of course not! I don’t have a speech box like humans do. As I reached out with one arm to shake her slim finger, her eyes widened in horror.

„How — how is that even possible?“ she whispered alarmed.

It was exactly then when I realised: to help her, I have to become her. The soup-like air seemed to erupt as energy began to course through Bernadette, me and the very room we were in. My wish had ripped open the fabric of reality. The air felt electric, there was a strange burnt smell that lingered and the surroundings turned blurry. The loud clacking of the wall clock stopped as its hands held still for what felt like a moment being stretched into infinity, as if time itself rippled.

A stabbing pain, like a needle piercing me, rushed through my body. How could I feel pain? My soft insides hardened and my legs and arms started to grow. With the sound of shredding cloth and stitches, my dress tightened, then tore as my chest and arms grew. Pain was pulsating through me — not just pain, a beat formed. I could feel the steady pulse inside, pumping something through every fibre of me. What a strange sensation! The seams burst open and revealed fresh skin. Terrified, I watched as fabric turned into flesh. My new rose pink skin prickled as the air caressed it for the first time. A strangled cry brought my attention back to Bernadette. Her body was changing as well.

„Bloody hell!“ she squealed as her fingers curled in and the nails vanished. Horrified, she held her stiff hands up to examine them. The skin on her arms changed colour, from her rosy pink to my stark white; it turned to cotton.

„What is happening to me?“ her shrill voice echoed from the walls.

She twisted and turned, a wretched expression on her face. Next, her arms and legs hardened. Her head shrunk and for once, we could see eye to eye. My mouth formed and sucked in a breath through the teeth that erupted through my newly formed gums. Finally, I could speak.

„Do not be afraid, I am helping you,“ I assured my maker in a raspy voice that sounded just like hers. It was difficult to form the words, their taste unfamiliar on my freshly grown tongue.

The table I was sitting on gave in under my weight and I fell on my naked butt. As she sank to the floor in a pile of her clothes, she had shrunken into my former size.

„You little demon!“ she screamed in a high pitch before her mouth was sewn shut into a thin line.

Then she disappeared into the folds of her clothes. With a loud ticking sound, the clock hands moved once again, as if nothing had happened. I moved the clothing aside until I saw the doll-Bernadette and I picked her up with my giant hand. Carefully, I put her down in my old spot on the shelf. Her eyes were glaring with fury as she watched me sit down at her sewing machine.

Then, I put on her clothes and sat down at the sewing machine. Tirelessly, I worked through the night to finish all costumes. As I gathered fabric and sewed like I’ve learnt for her, I felt even more empathy for my seamstress. I underestimated the amount of work that needed to be done.

---

The morning came sooner than expected. Sunlight filtered through the tiny window and turned the room golden. There was a hesitant knock on the door. „Come in!“ Judy entered the room, still looking angry. Finally, I had the chance to properly apologise to her! I soon shook off the exhaustion I felt and helped Judy into the repaired dress. To be safe, I asked her to demonstrate some of the movements she would perform on stage. I watched her like a hawk, my newly formed eyes seeking out the tiniest imperfection in the stitches and fabrics, but my work was impeccable.

„I think,“ I spoke with more confidence, both in my work and in my new voice. „That will serve you well for the rest of the season.“

„Quite,“ Judy said, her voice acidic. „It seems you’ve finally done what you should have done in the first place.“

„You’re right,“ I flinched at the remark, but it was deserved. „I have no excuses for what happened last night. I should have been thorough and I’m truly and deeply sorry.“

Judy’s eyebrows shot up in surprise, apparently caught off guard by my sincerity.

„Well,“ she started, her voice much gentler now. „I appreciate the apology. Thank you.“

I smiled at her as she left the room. Once she was out of sight, I sat down in my chair and let out a tired sigh. I turned to Bernadette, her button eyes still furious.

„Look, we got the job done and it came out alright.“ I tried to reason with her. „You needed the extra help, you’re just too proud to admit it.“

No response, but I swore I felt the anger in her eyes intensify. I was startled by a knock on the door frame and turned to see Herbert smiling at me.

„Well Bernie, you really pulled it out of the hat there.“ His voice was warm as he spoke. „Judy’s just told me how impressed she is with the work.“

„Yes, well,“ I couldn’t resist smiling slightly at the praise. „I was just doing what should have been done.“

„Still, a job well done. You look like you could do with some rest.“

„Not yet.“ I steeled myself against my tiredness. „I need to check everyone else first.“

---

I don’t know how long the costume checks took, but once I’d dragged myself back to my chair, I fell asleep in front of my ruined table. I was woken by a gentle hand on my shoulder, slowly bringing me back to wakefulness.

„Sorry to wake you.“

As the world came into focus, I almost thought I was still dreaming. James stood in front of me, with a steaming mug in hand.

„Oh, James.“ I straightened up in my chair. „That’s alright, I was just resting.“

„Yes, that’s why I brought you this.“ He offered me the mug. „Coffee to perk you up, we have to get ready in just over an hour.“

„You sweetheart.“ I felt heat rush to my face and my heart quicken as I took the mug. „Thank you.“

„Herbert and Judy filled me in on everything. All things considered, I think you did very well to put things right.“

„Thank you.“ I said again. „But it shouldn’t have happened in the first place.“

„But you learned from it, right? It won’t happen again?“

I cast a look at the glaring doll, the jealousy rolling off it like the thread from a reel.

„Not if I can help it, no it won’t,“ I spoke more to Bernadette than I did to James, but he didn’t notice.

„Good girl.“ He smiled broadly. „In that case, I had a word with Herbert. Once the first act is underway, I’ve requested a seat for you to watch the performance tonight.“

My eyes snapped wide open now.

„But what about the rest of the show?“

„It’s alright, the stagehands will handle it, your work was excellent for tonight,“ he reassured me. In that moment, I understood Bernadette’s attraction to him.

„That’s very kind of you.“ I finally said, stunned by his generosity.

„Think nothing of it.“ He flashed that bright smile of his at me and I almost swooned. „Anyway, must get ready for the show. I hope you enjoy it.“

„I’ve got no doubt about that.“ I grinned back as he left the room.

Once James was gone, I got up and closed the door, before sitting back in my chair and facing Bernadette.

„I’m going to go watch the show tonight,“ I said to her firmly. „I’ve never been beyond this room and I want to at least see something outside of it. Afterwards, you and I need to have a long talk about what happens from here.“

---

„The show was incredible! You should have seen it! Our costumes looked so different under the stage lighting. It was a truly magical experience!“ I let the doll Bernadette know with gleaming eyes. She glared back, and the stitching around her mouth twitched. I took my place in the seat in front of her once more.

„Okay, you can’t speak, so let me tell you how this will go: I know you want your life back, and I have no intention to keep on impersonating you. It is fun to move around freely, so I hope I get to keep that liberty. But I won’t just hand you back your body.“

The doll Bernadette gave me a death stare. Unflustered, I continued my monologue.

„There are some conditions you have to agree to.“ I lifted my hand to show a single finger was raised. „First of all, keep up the good work I started. Get your work done in good time and done properly. I’m sure you don’t want to lose your reputation or your job.“

„Secondly,“ I raised a second finger. „No more using random men as substitutes for James. I think you have a real chance to get together with him. After today, I’m pretty sure the feelings are mutual. Just ask him for a date after the show.“

The doll-Bernadette seemed to jerk in surprise. I ignored her and carried on.

„Don’t mess this up! He’s really sweet and if you put some effort in you could be good together. Thirdly and lastly,“ I lifted a third finger. „Be better to others. They deserve your kindness, just as much as you deserve theirs. I’ve shown you what a little humility can do, so please don’t forget it.“

I lowered my hand, signalling an end to the declaration of terms.

„If you don’t abide by those terms, I will take over your life for good because not only do those people deserve better but you do too and I won’t let you throw it all away.“

I leaned forward in my chair bringing my face close to hers.

„Twitch your mouth twice if you agree to my terms.“

The expression in her doll eyes showed every emotion starting from fear until they arrived at relief. Finally, her mouth twitched once, then twice. A blink or a nod would have been better, but I understood that was the best she could do. I shuddered as I remembered how I couldn’t move as a doll. I couldn’t give that up! I got to my feet and fetched a robe, placing it next to Bernadette to preserve her modesty after the transformation. Once we were ready, I remembered the feelings I’d had when I made my wish the first time and focused my desire.

„I wish to become a doll again, but keep my ability to move around. I wish for my creator to gain back her body with its full abilities“, I spoke to the universe. Nothing happened at first. Our anticipation grew as we waited for magic to happen. Then there was the clack of the clock stopping once more and the air began to crackle. A small infinity stretched before us as we transformed back into our respective bodies. It was as painful as the first time, but gone by much more quickly.

I shrank in size as Bernadette grew. Her limbs expanded back to her usual human size. The cotton turned back to skin, and my flesh back to fabric. I shook my body and was pleased to be able to move my limbs. An awkward silence hung between us as we looked around the room.

„I don’t know if I want to strangle you or if I should thank you,“ Bernadette said.

I bowed down theatrically like the actors on stage and grinned up at her. As she sank her hand above me, I quickly sprinted away. I didn’t fully trust her not to hurt me, at least not yet.

„I guess I should thank you, though this was quite an unpleasant look in the mirror,“ she finally admitted. „I promise I will be on my best behaviour.“

Then she broke into a smile and chuckled softly.

„How about I build you a dollhouse, so you can have a room for yourself?“

My threads split in a broad smile, pleased that we could continue our story together.